Eddie and Chelsea are standing in the hallway at school, reading Dr Stuckerman's new rules:
NO SPIKY HIGH HEELS
NO SHINY HATS
NO NOISY JEWELLERY
EDDIE
Principal Stuckerman's at it again. Just look at these new rules, Chels!
CHELSEA
I know. No spiky heels, no shiny hats, no noisy jewellery. What is that all about?
Raven walks over. And she has: spiky heels, a shiny hat on her head and noisy jewellery all down her arm.
RAVEN (to Eddie and Chelsea)
Hey, ya'll.
CHELSEA
Hey.
EDDIE
Well I think it's pretty obvious who these rules are directed at.
CHELSEA
Yeah, yeah, so obvious! (to Eddie) Who?
EDDIE
Chels, it's Raven!
CHELSEA
Okay, 'yesse! I thought you said it was obvious.
EDDIE
Check it out, Rae.
Raven steps over and reads the new rules.
RAVEN
What?! Dr Stuckerman is definitely out to get me. Aargh! I don't know why he is always trippin'.
Dr Stuckerman walks over.
DR STUCKERMAN
Trippin', am I?
RAVEN
Um...mmmm, well, trippin', as in, uh...cool, uh...wise...smart.
DR STUCKERMAN
Really? Well, why don't we look it up in my pocket dictionary of youth slang?
Dr Stuckerman takes from his pocket a miniature dictionary.
RAVEN
You got one of those?
DR STUCKERMAN
Yeah. (flicking to a page) Uh, here we are. Trippin...see buggin'. Eehhh, buggin', buggin', buggin'. (flips to the page) Uh, buggin'. See whack. Whack, whack, whack.
Dr Stuckerman flicks through the book again and is stopped by Raven.
RAVEN
Okay, okay, okay, okay. Trippin' is not that great of a compliment, okay? It's just that, these rules, they're so unreasonable.
DR STUCKERMAN
Miss Baxter, every rule has a reason. And every reason has a rule.
RAVEN
And what's the reason for those?
DR STUCKERMAN
Your wardrobe is a danger to me and the entire student population. Now, remove those violations, at once!
Dr Stuckerman storms off.
RAVEN (as he goes)
Fine. I just don't understand what the big deal is. It's not like these beads are gonna' hurt anybody.
As Raven takes off her beads around her arm, they fall off the string and go rolling along the floor in a heap. Dr Stuckerman comes back over.
DR STUCKERMAN
Miss Baxter, it's exactly that kind of noisy clangle...
But before he can finish, Dr Stuckerman trips over the beads and falls to the ground. The students gather around him.
RAVEN
Oh, snap! Dr Stuckerman, I am so sorry. (gasps) Oh my goodness, how's your back?
DR STUCKERMAN
Whack...
Raven looks away guiltily.
***
OPENING CREDITS
***
Raven is still apologizing to Dr Stuckerman, as he is hauled onto an ER bed by paramedics.
RAVEN
Dr Stuckerman, I am so sorry.
DR STUCKERMAN
If you think...
But his sound doesn't travel that well. Chelsea, who is behind him, holds up his neck.
DR STUCKERMAN
Thank you. ...think you're sorry now, wait till' I deal with you tomorrow!
Chelsea gasps as she lets loose of Dr Stuckerman's neck. He falls down onto the pillow with a thump and grunt. He is wheeled out the back door.
CHELSEA (calling after)
Bye, Dr Stuckerman, we'll see you later. Have a good trip! See you next fall!
Chelsea giggles, turning back to Raven and Eddie.
RAVEN
Chelsea! I'm in enough trouble.
EDDIE
So you think he's gonna' suspend you, Rae?
RAVEN
What?!! No!! He can't suspend me, it's the end of the school year. We're seniors, all the senior things are coming up. Like, senior carnivals, senior prom...senior surprise day.
EDDIE
Yeah. You can't miss all of that. It'd be like you went to school all those years for nothing.
Raven turns away, she's having a vision:
***
In Raven's vision, Dr Stuckerman is stood before the entire student body at the staircase in the hallway.
DR STUCKERMAN
And so today, May 19th, I am officially retiring. This will be my final day as principal of Bayside High School.
And how do the students respond? By giving a round of applause.
***
Cuts to the present. Raven turns back to Eddie and Chelsea.
RAVEN
What's today's date?
EDDIE
May 18th.
RAVEN (excited gasp)
That means that tomorrow is May 19th!
EDDIE
Right.
CHELSEA
No, I think it's a leap year.
RAVEN
Anyway, I had a vision you guys. Dr Stuckerman is retiring tomorrow! (squeels) All I have to do is avoid him for one more day, and then I am off the hook!
CHELSEA
Yeah, but Rae, come on. How are you gonna' do that?
Raven turns away, with a cheeky grin on her face. An idea has hatched.
***
The next morning, Raven is standing at the staircase peering down into the kitchen. She is in her pink dressing gown, as she comes down, shivering.
RAVEN (morbid tone)
Oh, daddy...(a whisper)...I'm sick.
Cory rolls his eyes. He knows it is a scam.
VICTOR
Um, honey, you don't look so good.
RAVEN (shivering)
I know. I know. I'm sick.
CORY
Well that doesn't prove anything. She never looks good.
RAVEN
I'm gonna make you pay for that. But right now, I'm so sick. (shivers)
VICTOR
Um, you know what? There is something going around.
CORY
Dad, come on. You're not falling for this, are you? She's just trying to ditch school. I did it all last w...
Cory suddenly realizes who he is speaking to. Victor looks over at his son.
VICTOR
What?
CORY (nervous)
Uh...maybe she caught what I had. Uh-huh. (to Raven) Feel better.
Cory grabs his bag from the bench and makes a dash out the door.
RAVEN
All right, daddy, well...(clears her throat)...I'm off to school.
Raven heads in the direction of the front door.
VICTOR
Um, sweetheart, you're not even dressed.
RAVEN
Dad. It's not about the outfits, dad, it's about the education.
Raven turns away again. Victor pulls her back.
VICTOR
Okay, okay, now I know you're really sick. Look, go into the living room, and lie down, and I will fix you something that will make you feel better, okay?
Victor turns away to the bench. Raven heads for the living room.
RAVEN (with a smirk, under her breath)
I feel better already.
VICTOR
I'm sorry honey, what?
RAVEN
I said, dad, I feel a little unsteady. (leans down on the bench, pretending to lose her balance) I'm feeling unsteady. It's so cold.
Victor turns to the cupboards. Raven gets to her feet and walks into the living room with a smirk. Her plan has worked.
***
Later on, Raven is lying on the couch in the living room, still in her dressing gown, with a blanket tossed over her. She is on the phone to Chelsea.
RAVEN (on phone)
Hey Chels, I don't have to come in. (pause) Yeah, dad totally bought it. Is Stuckerman back at school yet?
Chelsea, on the end of the line, is standing in the hallway at school, on the phone to Raven.
CHELSEA (on phone)
Yeah. Yeah, he just made an announcement that he's gonna make a bigger announcement in twenty minutes.
RAVEN
Oohh! That has to be my vision. Oh, he's gonna' announce his retirement, he's not gonna' be there tomorrow...so all I have to do is chill...(acting suddenly, as her dad comes in with a tray of soup)...chills! Chills! Oh, oh, the chills!
Chelsea hangs up her end of the line and walks off. Victor approaches the shaking Raven, placing a tray on the coffee table.
VICTOR
I've got just the thing for you. Okay. Hey, look. (unfolding a second blanket) First of all, you just gotta' bundle up. You gotta stay warm. It's really important.
RAVEN
I need some pillows, daddy. I'm freezing.
Victor places the blanket over Raven.
RAVEN
I'm freezing. Oh, a little better, but not really...
VICTOR (sitting down)
Now, second of all. All you have to do is finish this soup, okay?
RAVEN (sitting up)
What soup? I don't really think I need any...
VICTOR (holding the bowl of soup)
Mmm-hmmm. This is secret family recipe.
RAVEN
Really?
VICTOR
This is Grandma Baxter's three-alarm cold killer. Mmm-hmm. This'll sweat out the cold and anything else that ills you.
RAVEN
I don't think my knees are...
But before Raven can finish, Victor spoons some of the soup into her mouth. Raven's face goes red with alarm, as she spits some out, unprepared for the spicy taste.
RAVEN (screaming)
Whooaaaa! That's spicy!
VICTOR
Yeah? (laughs) And that's just a first alarm.
RAVEN (unsure what to say)
That's amazing, that's...what?!
VICTOR
Now, come on.
RAVEN
I don't think I need another one.
VICTOR
Yes, yes, yes, yes. You gotta finish this. (begins spooning more into Raven's mouth) You gotta' finish this. It heats you up from the inside out.
Raven struggles to speak with the overwhelming spice of the soup.
RAVEN
Definitely working.
VICTOR
Okay, come on now. You got it?
RAVEN (squealing)
Whoa!
Raven starts taking some deep breaths.
VICTOR
N-now, when you start sweating, that means it's working.
Sweat can be seen now on Raven's forehead.
RAVEN
Well I can feel it working, daddy, it's HOT!
VICTOR (with another spoonful towards Raven)
Okay, come on now.
RAVEN
I don't want another one, daddy.
VICTOR
Come on, come on, come on...
Despite Raven's protests, Victor spoons another spoonful into his daughter's mouth. Raven's face turns agitated.
VICTOR
Mmmm. (puts the bowl back on the table) You know what? You might be back at school by this afternoon.
RAVEN
What? I think somebody opened a window because I am getting cold.
Raven starts shaking again as she lowers herself back down against the cushion with her blanket.
VICTOR
Really? Oh no, I'm gonna' have to make another batch.
RAVEN (shaking)
I've got the chills.
VICTOR
You know what? I'm gonna skip the second alarm. I'm gonna go right onto the third. Now, look. You stay warm, and you finish this soup. Okay?
RAVEN
No, I don't think I...
VICTOR
You finish the soup.
RAVEN
Okay, daddy.
VICTOR
I'm gonna make some more.
Victor walks out and into the kitchen. The second he is gone, Raven rips off the layers of blankets she has been tucked into.
RAVEN
Whew, it's hot!
Victor walks back in, and Raven lies back down, trying to look as sick as before.
VICTOR
Oh, Rae? You know, I read that you lose about eighty-percent of your body heat through your head, so I'm gonna give you this tight suit...
Victor places a beanie around Raven's head.
VICTOR
That should help.
He gives Raven a kiss on the head.
RAVEN
Okay, okay.
VICTOR (as he walks out)
Okay, now, stay warm, finish the soup. I'm gonna be back to check on you.
RAVEN
Okay, thank you daddy...
As she hears the door shut, Raven pulls off her beanie and blankets again, and licks the palms of her hand in a hurry.
RAVEN (to herself)
That was amazing. I'm gonna' watch some television. Get my mind off this heat.
Raven reaches for the remote and turns on the television.
TV ANNOUNCER (VO)
Welcome to Death Valley. The hottest place on Earth.
RAVEN
Nope.
Raven changes the channel. A television programme about volcanoes comes on.
TV ANNOUNCER (VO)
The red-hot molten lava spewing from a volcano can reach a temperature of...
RAVEN
Next.
Raven changes the channel again. This time, we see someone frying an egg on a sidewalk:
TV ANNOUNCER (VO)
How hot was it? Hot enough to fry an egg on a sidewalk.
RAVEN (leaning back)
Oh, I'm getting woozy. (feeling her face) I'm still awake? I'm gonna watch some videos, to keep my mind off this heat.
Raven hits a switch on the remote. This time, we see a girl asleep in bed, wearing a DO NOT DISTURB eye blanket.
TV ANNOUNCER (VO)
Next stop, a hot new artist that's burning up the charts. (background music starts) This video's sizzling.
RAVEN
Why it gotta be sizzling?
TV ANNOUNCER (VO)
Check out Some Call it Magic, by Raven Baxter.
On screen, the girl takes of her eye mask to reveal RAVEN – the same RAVEN sitting in the room watching the TV!
RAVEN (surprised)
What?! I got a video?
The music-video for Some Call It Magic, performed by Raven-Symone, plays on screen. The real Raven, off screen, jigs about a bit to the tune, and occasionally, claps and dances in her seat. The music video seen on screen is set in the Baxter house.
ONSCREEN RAVEN (singing)
# Some call it magic
The things I see
And I don't understand it, why it happens to me.
Some call it magic
And I don't know how
But I know that I have it
And it all works out.
I got my family, and my friends with me
They're the only ones
Who know my secret.
Only they do.
Tryin' to find a way
But you're not the same
You know you're special
And believe it.
Stay true to you.
Some call it magic
The things I see
And I don't understand it
Why it happens to me.
Whoa
Some call it magic, and I don't know...
The television picture suddenly fades out, and the music comes to a stop. Dr Stuckerman's figure appears on the screen.
DR STUCKERMAN
Okay. Fun's over.
RAVEN (screams with fright)
Dr Stuckerman?!
DR STUCKERMAN
I told you I would deal with you Raven. You can't get away from me.
RAVEN
Oh, I think I can.
Raven hits the off button on the remote, but Dr Stuckerman's figure remains seen, only, repositioned.
DR STUCKERMAN
Still here. (Raven hits the remote and he moves again) Still here. All Stuckerman, all the time. In high-def, baby!
Dr Stuckerman waves out at Raven. Raven lets out a scream of fright, which surprisingly, doesn't attract the attention of her father.
***
Back where we left off, Raven is talking to the television screen.
RAVEN (talking to the TV)
Dr Stuckerman, would you please get out of my television?
DR STUCKERMAN
You'll have to deal with me sooner or later.
RAVEN
I'd prefer later.
Raven changes the channel, this time with success – the theme of a sitcom starts playing.
RAVEN
Oh, an old sitcom.
And the title card pans onto the TV screen – Oh That Raven.
RAVEN
Oh That Raven? I don't remember that show.
Onscreen, black and white – the episode begins. An older-looking Eddie opens the door and steps into a typical 1980's living room, holding a briefcase.
ONSCREEN EDDIE (calling out and walking in)
Raven? Honey, I'm home!
Now, an older-looking Raven in a spotty dress walks over and gives Eddie a peck on the cheek.
ONSCREEN RAVEN
Eddie, dear.
Off screen, the real Raven watches with interest.
ONSCREEN RAVEN
How was work today, darling?
ONSCREEN EDDIE
Oh, terrible. I'm a door-to-door doors salesman. And every time I knock on a door, I realize they don't need one. (laughs) So how was your day?
ONSCREEN RAVEN
Well, I bought this beautiful dress. Look.
Onscreen Raven goes swirling about with her dress, and as she does so, bumps the glass flower pot off the coffee table, sending it shattering to the floor.
ONSCREEN RAVEN
Oh, no! I broke another priceless antique. (looks guilty)
ONSCREEN EDDIE
Raven, what am I gonna do with you?
Raven shrugs her hands apart. An older-looking Chelsea in a white dress arrives through the front door, following behind an older-looking, bald Cory.
ONSCREEN CORY
Hiya, Edd!
ONSCREEN CHELSEA
Hey, Rae.
Off screen, the real Raven continues to watch with disbelief in her eyes at the coincidence of it all.
ONSCREEN CHELSEA
We would've been here sooner, but I couldn't wake this old coot up from his nap. (gives Onscreen Cory a hit on the shoulder)
Off screen, Raven laughs.
ONSCREEN CORY
What do you expect? I'm poofed from all your nagging.
ONSCREEN EDDIE
Oh, stop it you two! Now, I've got some good news. A big-time Hollywood director just moved into the neighbourhood.
ONSCREEN CHELSEA (excited)
What? A big-time Hollywood director?!
ONSCREEN CORY
In this neighbourhood?!
ONSCREEN RAVEN
Wait a minute. Are you saying that a big-time Hollywood director is moving into our neighbourhood?
ONSCREEN EDDIE
Yes, and I invited him over for dinner.
ONSCREEN CHELSEA
Hey, maybe he'll put me in the movie!
ONSCREEN CORY
Only if he's making a horror movie.
Onscreen Chelsea shoots a disturbed look at Onscreen Cory.
ONSCREEN CHELSEA
Well if he is, he can cast your mother.
ONSCREEN CORY
My mother is a saint.
ONSCREEN CHELSEA
You mean a Saintfernad-RA?!
Off screen, Raven laughs again.
ONSCREEN EDDIE
Knock it off, you two. Now, if he likes what Raven cooks then maybe he'll put us all in his movie.
ONSCREEN CHELSEA
Oh!
ONSCREEN RAVEN
Don't worry honey, have I ever messed anything up?
Onscreen Eddie exchanges a look with the two others in the room, before turning directly to the screen.
ONSCREEN EDDIE
Don't get me started!
The theme music plays, as the scene changes to later – Onscreen Raven is bringing a trolley of food into the living room. Onscreen Eddie, Chelsea and Cory are all sat up on the couch.
ONSCREEN RAVEN
Well, dinner's ready. When's that big-time Hollywood director coming?
The doorbell rings. They all stand up.
ONSCREEN EDDIE
That's him! Everyone just act natural.
As Eddie goes to open the door, the three of them take up positions around the room – Chelsea leans on the table, Cory by the door, and Raven by the window. Eddie opens the door – the director is, you guessed it – Dr Stuckerman! He is holding a bullhorn. Off screen, Raven looks up with shock. Dr Stuckerman, on screen, walks into the house. Onscreen Raven's face scrunches up with surprise.
ONSCREEN EDDIE
Everyone, I'd like for you to meet the biggest director in Hollywood.
DR STUCKERMAN (through the bullhorn)
Thank you. Thank you everyone, for inviting me. If this meal is good, you'll all be stars!
All of the shows' regulars are gathered around the director, but Raven stays in the corner.
ONSCREEN RAVEN (to herself)
That's no director, that's Principal Stuckerman!
They are all sitting at the table now.
ONSCREEN EDDIE
Raven, say hello to our guest.
ONSCREEN RAVEN (to herself)
Oh, I can't let him see me.
Onscreen Raven looks down at the turkey on the trolley – that look that says an idea has formed, appears on her face. Off screen, Raven watches the story develop. Back on screen again, Raven is at the table holding the plates, with the turkey stuffed on her face.
ONSCREEN RAVEN
Serving dinner. Who's hungry?
They all look at her in disbelief. Off screen, Raven laughs again.
Back on screen, Raven, blinded, goes over and starts spooning out vegetables onto Dr Stuckerman's plate.
ONSCREEN EDDIE (to Dr Stuckerman)
Uh, my wife likes to wear the dinner before she serves it.
They all laugh.
ONSCREEN RAVEN
Peas and carrots? Oh, enjoy your meal.
ONSCREEN EDDIE
Stop the nonsense and serve the turkey!
Onscreen Raven lies her head down on the table, offering the turkey before Dr Stuckerman.
ONSCREEN RAVEN
Would you care for a leg or a wing?
Off screen Raven laughs.
ONSCREEN EDDIE
Take our dinner off of your head, right now!
ONSCREEN RAVEN (standing again)
But I don't want to.
ONSCREEN EDDIE (sternly)
Don't get me started!
Onscreen Raven pops the turkey off her head and places it down on the table, staring forward with an "innocent" look on her face. Dr Stuckerman stands up and points at her.
DR STUCKERMAN
You! You thought you could hide from me, didn't you?!
ONSCREEN RAVEN
Oh, snap!
The theme begins to sound again as the image fades out and the episode comes to an end. Cuts off screen again, Raven seems even more woozy than she was before.
RAVEN (to herself)
Man, that was bizarre. (fanning herself) Oh, I do not know what's making me freak out like this. (short pause) Hey, how about I have some more soup?
Raven spoons in some more of the soup. She inhales deeply, her facial expression shows that the spice must be unbearably hot...
RAVEN (hardly speaking)
Spicy.
Raven nests herself into her dressing gown again.
RAVEN (to herself)
Well, I better watch some more television. Get my mind off of Stuckerman.
Raven changes the channel again. This time, a mock of the final-scene from the Wizard of Oz comes on as twinkly music plays softly in the background. Raven is Dorothy, Cory is the Tinman, Chelsea is the Scarecrow, and Eddie is the Lion. As off-screen Raven sees the resemblance to her friends and herself in these characters, she watches the screen with content. Dorothy steps though the curtain into a shiny room with a throne at the front, followed by the gang.
TINMAN
Okay, we did everything he asked.
SCARECROW
Where is that stupid wizard?
A projection image of Oz, who greatly reassembles Victor Baxter, puffs into appearance before the throne the front, amidst a twirl of smoke.
OZ
Hello? Giant Head behind you. Bow down to the mighty Oz.
LION (whimpering)
I'm scared. I'm so scared.
The Lion falls down to the ground in an emotional wreck, as the Tinman gulps in his oil can.
SCARECROW
If I had a brain, I'd run right now.
TINMAN
Here, you can take mine. 'Cause I am out of here.
The Lion gets to his feet again, as the Scarecrow crosses in between them. Dorothy stands by herself.
OZ (mad)
Fine. Beat it! Scram! Get out of my sight!
DOROTHY
Wait! We're not going anywhere until you give us what you promised.
OZ
How dare you question the great and (???) Wizard?!
All but Dorothy whimper against each other.
DOROTHY
Why are you so mean?
OZ
Because. I ain't got no body. (pause) Get it? I ain't got no body. I'm a big, floating head. Ginormous head. All right, get out of my sight.
DOROTHY
But we did everything that you asked. Look, here's the Witch's cloak.
Dorothy flaps out a black coat from her basket.
TINMAN (holding out a crystal ball)
And the Witch's crystal ball.
SCARECROW
Yeah, and the Witch's underwear. (holds out the you-know-what's).
OZ (mad)
I never asked for the Witch's underwear!
LION (embarrassed)
Those are mine, actually.
The Lion takes his underwear and hides it under his arms.
OZ
No wonder you need courage. Now, go. Scram. Beat it! Because the great and powerful Oz has spoken.
Dorothy goes over and opens the curtain on the side, which leads through to another room. The others come over as well.
OZ (VO)
And has been spoken, I don't need to speak anymore!
Dorothy and the gang walk into the room to find Oz, who, again, looks a lot like Victor, on an elliptical exercise machine, speaking into a microphone that is positioned up in front of him. Raven laughs.
OZ
Get out of here! Please ignore the man on the elliptical!
DOROTHY
You're not even a real wizard.
OZ
Yes I am! Wizards need to get in shape too.
DOROTHY
Well what about us?
OZ
Wait your turn. I've still got ten more minutes.
LION
Yo, brother. You better give us what you promised us because I'm one bad cat. (licks his paws) Raw.
OZ (normal voice)
Okay, okay. Down kitty.
Oz steps down off the machine.
OZ (to Lion)
Okay, look. You know the way you stood up to me? That shows that you had courage all along.
LION
I did?
SCARECROW
Well, duh!
OZ (to Scarecrow)
And, you – the way you recognized the obvious. You're really smart.
SCARECROW
I am? (raises a finger to her temple) Mississippi. M, I, S, S, I, S, S, I, P, P, I. Whoa! And I've never even heard the word Mississippi before.
The Lion gives her a pat on the shoulder.
TINMAN
Whoa! You really are smart. You know what, you guys? (emotional) This is a beautiful moment, okay? It really warms my heart. (pause) Hey! I have a heart!
Tinman, Lion and Scarecrow all cheer.
OZ
Okay. So we're all happy, right? Good. Let's go. Everybody out. And we're walking, and we're walking.
Oz ushers them all out into the hallway again. But he's forgotten Dorothy. She follows him out.
DOROTHY
B-but wait! What about me? I'm not happy. I still can't get home.
OZ
Don't you understand? You've had the power to go home all along.
DOROTHY
I did?
OZ
All you have to do is click your heels together.
DOROTHY
Is that really gonna get me home?
OZ
No, that's gonna get the yellow brick dust off your shoes so it doesn't get on my new carpet.
DOROTHY
Really? Oh, okay, you know what?
In classic Raven style, Dorothy drops her basket and begins to corner in on Oz. The Tinman holds her back.
OZ
I was kidding, I was kidding, I was kidding! Kidding, kidding, kidding. Come on, click. Goodbye.
Dorothy steps aside and clicks her heels together. Some sparks pop, and suddenly – the Wicked Witch appears – DR STUCKERMAN! Raven jumps with shock.
OZ
Uh-oh, that wasn't supposed to happen.
DOROTHY
I thought we got rid of you.
DR STUCKERMAN
You thought wrong, my pretty. Now I'm finally going to deal with you. (pointing around the room) And your little homies too.
As Dr Stuckerman points at them all, they cower back.
DOROTHY
You're no witch. You're Principal Stuckerman. I know how to get rid of you.
Dorothy reaches down and picks up a bucket of water. With a grin, she throws it in Dr Stuckerman's face. His pointy hat falls off, and for a second – it looks like it may have worked, but no...
DR STUCKERMAN (wiping the water from himself)
I'm not melting. I'm not melting. I'm. Not. Melting.
He flicks some of the water from his hand onto Dorothy's face.
DOROTHY
Water on weep! (stepping aside) I'm melting! I'm melting! I'm melting! I'm melting...
Dorothy's voice descends as she falls to the ground in a mess...and suddenly, it fades into Raven – lying on the couch, with Chelsea, Eddie and Cory all gathered around her. Victor is applying a flannel to her forehead.
RAVEN (asleep, in Dorothy's voice)
I'm melting!
VICTOR
Rae, Rae! Wake up, you're not melting. You're just overheating.
Raven's eyes shoot open.
RAVEN (still in Dorothy's squeaky-clean voice)
Oh my goodness, that was such a crazy dream.
VICTOR
Why are you talking like that?
RAVEN (normal voice)
My bad. (looking around) Oh, my goodness. Dad, this was so real. You were there. And Eddie, you, and Chels, you – and Cory, you!
Dr Stuckerman pops up from behind the couch. The real Dr Stuckerman.
DR STUCKERMAN
Was I there?
Raven screams in alarm when she sees him.
RAVEN
Dr Stuckerman!!! Get out of my dream!!!
VICTOR
You're not dreaming! You're not dreaming, Rae.
EDDIE
I hate to break it to you, Rae, but today was senior surprise day.
CHELSEA (yelling at Raven after a pause)
Surprise! (pause) Dr Stuckerman took all the senior's out to Happy Mountain amusement park.
RAVEN
What?! And I missed it?
CORY
Yeah, 'cause you were so cold. (mocking Raven) So, so very cold.
RAVEN
Keep going, you're gonna be out cold in a second, homie.
CORY (sitting back)
I see you're feeling better.
RAVEN
So Dr Stuckerman. Are you here to give me my punishment for what I did yesterday?
VICTOR
Um, what happened yesterday?
DR STUCKERMAN
Well, I slipped on Raven's beads. You see, I have a bad back. And I was afraid I really hurt it.
VICTOR
But you're okay, right?
DR STUCKERMAN
As it turns out, the fall realigned my whole spine. When I woke up this morning, I felt like a spring chicken. So, I took everyone out to Happy Mountain to celebrate.
CHELSEA
Yay!
Raven looks down.
RAVEN (hurt)
And you're here to rub it in my face.
DR STUCKERMAN
No. I'm here to thank you. Harriet Stuckerman has a soft side.
RAVEN
Awww. (pause) But, aren't you gonna retire today?
DR STUCKERMAN
Actually I was, but I changed my mind...(sudden realization dawns)...how did you know that?
RAVEN
No. The question is, why did you change your mind?
DR STUCKERMAN
Well, now that my back is cured, I'm going to be around making rules for a long, long time.
RAVEN
You mean I? ...Because of what I?...Then you are... oh snap!
***
Victor is sitting on the couch snuggled into a rug. Cory walks in from the kitchen with a bowl of soup.
CORY
How are you feeling, dad?
VICTOR (shaking, stammering)
N-not so good. I think I caught what Raven had.
CORY
I doubt that. But, um – I heated up some of Grandma's special soup for you, okay?
VICTOR (taking the bowl)
Oh, thank you son.
CORY
Enjoy.
Cory walks out. Victor takes a spoonful of the soup, and his face turns sour.
VICTOR
Spicy! Whoaaaaw... but it's good. (takes another spoonful) Whoa, that is hot.
Victor turns on the TV, and the theme for an old sitcom starts playing. The episode begins in black and white – an older-looking Eddie walks into the house with his briefcase.
ONSCREEN EDDIE
Honey, I'm home!
But this time, Victor, dressed in a girly hairdo and dress, comes twirling out from behind the wall.
ONSCREEN VICTOR
Hiya, Eddie. Notice anything different about me? (twirls the dress around)
ONSCREEN EDDIE
Don't get me started!
ONSCREEN VICTOR
Oh, snap!
The theme plays again as the episode scene changes. On the couch, in real life, Victor looks disturbed. He puts the soup bowl on the coffee table, and pushes it away, then turns the TV off.
***
END CREDITS
***
That's So Raven © Walt Disney. No infringment intended through the transcription of this episode written by Marc Warren & Dennis Rinsler (teleplay), Michale Feldman (story)
