CHELSEA
Hey, what are they all looking at?
RAVEN
I don't know, but it's in a classroom, it can't be that exciting.
Eddie notices Chelsea and Raven and informs them of the gatherings.
EDDIE
Hey yowl, come here, it's a Hollywood film crew in here.
CHELSEA
Why, when did they start going to our school?
EDDIE
No! They're scouting locations for the new movie, Honor Roll Zombies.
RAVEN
Wait a second! They're filming a movie in our school?
EDDIE
Yeah!
Director Toshi Nakomara and his assistant Becky come out of the classroom.
BECKY
'Scuse me, 'scuse me.
EDDIE
Oh! That's Toshi Nakomara, the hottest director in Hollywood!
TOSHI
As the hottest director in Hollywood, I say, "perfect"! (to Becky) Becky, this is where I'm going to stage the final battle scene. (shouts, calling) Nikki! Nicks.
An attractive actress, Nikki Logan, comes walking out of the classroom behind Toshi. Eddie, Raven and Chelsea stare on in amazement.
TOSHI
What do you think of this place? Do you feel this? Do you feel this?
NICKY
This location is great, Toshi! It's so ... (lost for words) high schooley.
CHELSEA
You guys, you guys, that's Nikki Logan! She's like one of my favorite actresses. She was so awesome as the Vegetarian Detective in Dude, Where's my Egg Plant?
RAVEN
Yeah, and her house in Malibu is off the chain. I saw it on Young, Rich and Fabulous.
CHELSEA
Yeah, yeah, I totally saw that. Her bath tub is so big she even has her own diving board!
RAVEN
Chels. That was her swimming pool.
CHELSEA
... That would make more sense.
Raven turns away, transfixed in a vision.
***
In her vision, she sees Nikki Logan, still in the corridor, choking on a "Martian Mango Taffy Bar".
***
Back in the present, Raven turns worriedly to Eddie and Chelsea ... but Nikki is already looking through her handbag for a Taffy bar.
NIKKI
I could go for something sweet!
Raven throws herself on Nikki to prevent her vision from coming true.
RAVEN
Nikki, no!
***
OPENING CREDITS
Starring RAVEN
ORLANDO BROWN
KYLE MASSEY
ANNELIESE VAN DER POL
RONDELL SHERIDAN
"THAT'S SO RAVEN"
"Unhappy Medium" - Written by Danny Warren and Josh Lynn
***
Back in the school corridor, Raven and Nikki are lying across the floor as crowds gather round.
NIKKI
Help!
TOSHI
Security!
RAVEN
Huh? What? Security?
Two men in black suits enter.
RAVEN
Security is not necessary. Security! (as they carry her away) Oh, wait, I was just helping her she was choking on her Martian Mango Taffy!
Nikki is now standing on both feet, and turns to Raven who is almost at the door.
NIKKI
Wait a minute! Let her go.
The security officer drop her abruptly and she falls between their legs.
RAVEN
Gently. Nicely! (she shrugs at the security officers and walks over to Nikki)
NIKKI
How did you know I had Martian Mango Taffy?
RAVEN
Huh?
NIKKI
This Taffy comes in seventy three flavors!
RAVEN
I saw it on "Rich, Young and Fabulous".
NIKKI
No. They said I like Very Berry Berry Taffy. I just switched to Martian Mango this morning.
RAVEN
Oh ...
NIKKI
(whispers) You would have to be psychic to know that!
RAVEN
(through laughter) No, no, no, no! That's not it.
NIKKI
(sighs) Oh. What a bummer. Cause I'm playing a psychic in this movie ... and I've been looking for a real psychic to hang out with and help me understand my character.
She begins to walk off, but Raven begins talking excitedly.
RAVEN
(Excited) Hang out? Nikki ... Nikki Logan ... hang out with? (Nikki turns back) Like ... like chilling like friends? Like pals? Like home-skilled biscuits?
NIKKI
Exactly.
RAVEN
Argh!
NIKKI
And I need someone soon because we start shooting tomorrow.
RAVEN
OK ... OK! (pulls Nikki away) Let the truth be told. I am psychic!
NIKKI
I knew it!
RAVEN
(excited) Yes, Nikki, yes, you were right! (Eddie and Chelsea start listening in) But here's the deal. I had a vision that you were choking on a piece of Mango Taffy Nicky Logan and I needed to save you.
NIKKI
So a psychic saved my life? I can't believe you just fell into my lap like this!
RAVEN
Oh, oh, I fell on your head, but we're not talking about it.
NIKKI
(excited) I have so many questions.
RAVEN
Nikki Logan. I have your answers. I do.
The two of them walk off, passing Eddie and Chelsea. Raven screams in excitement as she turns to her friends.
RAVEN
(To Eddie and Chelsea, excited) I'm home skilled's with Nikki Logan! Logan and me! Chilling like we're cool!
She turns back to Nikki.
***
In the living room at the Baxter household, Cory is sitting at the couch doing homework when Victor enters through the front door with a poster from the mail.
VICTOR
Hey, hey, mail call! Cory, I think this is what you have been waiting for.
He hands Cory the poster.
CORY
Yes, it's the poster of my favorite boxer! Lullaby Lopez!
VICTOR
Lullaby? Why do they call him Lullaby?
CORY
Because ... one punch and it is nighty night for you.
Victor laughs. As Cory unfolds the poster, he finds that the boxer's body is covered in tattoos of "Drink Fizzo".
CORY
(referring to the advertising) Fizzo Punch? OK, why does he have that written all over him?
VICTOR
Well, I guess a lot of people watch Lullaby fight and the Fizzo people probably pay him a lot of money to advertise on his body.
CORY
Wow, you know - (puts folder down on table) I got a little bit of that myself. (idea pops into his head) And for the right price I could advertise for the ... (shows off his top arms) Chill. Grill.
VICTOR
(shows his arms) No. Way.
CORY
Why. Not?
VICTOR
It's. Tacky. (they both release arms) Come on Cory, why do you want someone to write all over your body?
CORY
Hey, I'm wearing my skin anyway. Why waste this ... (shows off arms again) beautiful advertising space? Look at that, that's right.
VICTOR
Forget it. The Chill Grill doesn't need that type of advertising.
Victor walks into the kitchen, leaving Cory to talk by himself.
CORY
(to self, an idea formulating) Well ... maybe I'll find someone who does.
***
Raven and Nikki Logan walk into the kitchen of the Baxter household.
RAVEN
Oh my goodness, it was so cool taking the limousine home. We don't have a hot tub on our school bus.
NIKKI
Oh, that was nothing. Wait till I fly you down to Malibu in my private jet ... it's like a "part-a" in the clouds.
RAVEN
(excited) Oh my goodness, a part-a in the clouds, what it is! What it is! Yo, can my best friends come so they can "part-a" to?
NIKKI
Yeahhh. I'll put you on the guest house. Oh, Usher lives next door.
RAVEN
Huh?
NIKKI
I hope you don't mind facing his glass enclosed work out room. You know that man never wears a shirt!
RAVEN
(fake) I know, it's a shame. It's OK, I'll take care of it.
Nikki places her handbag on the table.
NIKKI
OK, before we start, I just want to thank you, for helping me understand what a real psychic is like. Because after Honor Roll Zombies, I will finally be taken seriously as an actress.
RAVEN
Nikki Logan, what are "home-skilleds" for?
Nikki gets out her notepad and pen.
NIKKI
So, what's first in the typical day of a psychic? I want to observe everything you do.
RAVEN
OK. Alright. I. Am going to go and get some orange juice.
Raven goes to the fridge and does exactly that: gets some orange juice, as Nikki crosses to the opposite side of the bench and jots down notes.
NIKKI
Juice ... so is Orange Juice some sort of psychic potion ... that gives you visions ...
RAVEN
(as she pours orange juice) No, I was just thirsty.
Nikki crosses the orange juice from her list.
Raven takes a sip of the orange juice and starts to roll her head from side to side with a sour look on her face.
NIKKI
(with hope) Oh! Are you having a vision? (as she takes notes) What do you see? Buried Treasure! A Missing Person? (cowers) Is there going to be an earthquake?
RAVEN
No, this orange juice has turned! This is nasty!
She moves over to the sink to pour it down, disappointing Nikki.
NIKKI
Ar ... how come you didn't know that already?
Raven puts her glass in the sink and examines the label on the bottle.
RAVEN
Nikki Logan you're right, I should've looked on the label. (puts bottle down) Smart.
NIKKI
No! I mean, you're a psychic, couldn't you have seen that in your crystal ball or something?
RAVEN
(through consistent laughter) Crystal ball? Nikki Logan! (they walk towards the table) See, what happens is, is that I get the occasional vision ... that may or may not come true. It's crazy.
NIKKI
(disappointed) Really? That's it?
RAVEN
That's it. It's amazing how some people may think that, you know, psychics are these freaks who get "jolts of energy" and we "see the spirits" and "whoa...." (laughs) but they're tripping when they think that cause it ain't true.
NIKKI
Ar ... OK ... so other than the occasional vision that may or may not come true ... you're just a regular kid?
RAVEN
(touched) Yes, Nikki Logan. Yes! (Nikki moves over to table) And you know what, it's so good that you understand that, because now you come to trade that psychics are just normal people ... we're not freaks! And now I can really go into the world and be normal, and that just feels so good inside.
All this while Nikki has been searching through her handbag for her cell phone. As Raven continues, she dials a number.
NIKKI
... Yeah ...
RAVEN
I've been hiding for so long!
NIKKI
... That's nice ... (into cell) Richard, you can bring the car round now.
RAVEN
Car? (follows Nikki to the door) What happened? Where are we going?
NIKKI
Oh, no. I'm going.
RAVEN
Oh OK, well ... we're still on for you know, Malibu, "part-a" in the clouds with Usher (dances wildly) Hey, what's up, you know what I'm saying. Like that, right?
NIKKI
Ahaha ... I will definitely get back to you on that.
Nikki symbolizes peace as she walks out the door.
RAVEN
(to self, ashamed) Nikki Logan ain't gettin back to me on that one.
***
Still in the kitchen, Raven is pouring the sour orange juice down the sink sadly.
RAVEN
... So long Malibu!
Eddie and Chelsea enter through the door.
EDDIE
Hey Babe! We were just in the neighborhood and decided to stop by.
RAVEN
Nikki's gone!
EDDIE
What? Oh man, I was hoping she needed a lead man for her new movie. The bus driver said I looked like P Diddy! (he does some dance moves)
RAVEN
You look more like the bus.
CHELSEA
(disappointed) Man, I can't believe Nikki's not here. (reaches into bag) I wanted her to sign my eggplant!
EDDIE
Oh how come you can't just get a regular autograph album like everyone else, Chels!
CHELSEA
Excuse me do you know how long it takes to grow autograph albums!
Raven and Eddie stare at her in bewilderment.
RAVEN
(changing subject) Anyway! Nikki invited us on her private jet to go to Malibu.
Eddie and Chelsea scream in excitement.
EDDIE / CHELSEA (Together)
Yes!
RAVEN
But I blew it.
EDDIE / CHELSEA (Together)
Noo!
RAVEN
You know what, she wanted to see what a real psychic was like.
EDDIE
Well that should've been easy Rae, all you had to do was be yourself.
RAVEN
And I did and she was totally bored.
CHELSEA
Well what did you say, tell me everything.
RAVEN
OK so I cam home from school, and I went to the refrigerator and I got some orange juice.
CHELSEA
OK ... classic Raven ... man, what's her problem?
RAVEN
I don't even know, Chels. And you know what, she's one of those people who think that psychics are freaks. You know what I'm saying she wanted me to ... jump around, and channel spirits ... and whoa! But ...
EDDIE
(mad) Rae!
RAVEN
What!
EDDIE
It is Malibu! OK! Would it have killed you to talk to some spirits!
RAVEN
Listen. She wanted to know what a real psychic was like. We are normal people. You know, we wake up, we go to school, we brush our teeth, we wash our face, we put our pants on ...
Eddie falls on Raven's shoulder snoring with boredom. Raven pushes him off defensively.
RAVEN
I know I may not be the most exciting thing ever. Alright. But I am not about to pretend I'm something that I'm not just so I can go to the parties, and hang out on the beach ... and ... (continues in a dreamy, obsessive voice) watch Usher ... work out. Shirtless. Muscles glistening under glass ...
***
The doorbell rings, and Raven answers the door dressed in a gypsy outfit. Nikki Logan is behind the door.
RAVEN
I knew it was going to be you.
NIKKI
Because you called and told me to rush over here (she walks in) So. What is it?
RAVEN
Well, I know I led you to believe that I am one of those boring ... juice drinking psychics, but now that I can trust you Nikki Logan. (she puts her hand across the crystal ball on the coffee table and jumps back) Argh! (spins crazily) Whoa! Whoa!
NICKY (Excited)
Are you having a vision?
Raven starts to act some bizarre movements and jumping around wildly. Nikki takes out her notepad and pen and takes down notes.
RAVEN
Yes, Yes, and it's a big one! It's coming, it's coming! (falls) I'm melting, I'm melting! Here's Johnny! I see dead people! (she rolls around) What? (she runs off, running back and collapsing on the couch) Argh! (she lies still for a minute, then wakes dramatically) What a vision!
NIKKI
What did you see?
RAVEN
(Falls, ushering Nikki) Come closer Nikki Logan.
Nikki hesitantly comes down to Raven's side. Raven makes up what she saw.
RAVEN
I saw you ... in Malibu ... sitting on a pile of money. You had just won an award for you role in "Honor Roll Zombies".
NIKKI
(Excited) Which one?
Raven continues to improvise.
RAVEN
Greatest actress ... on Earth!
NIKKI
I didn't know there was such a thing!
RAVEN
Oh Nikki Logan there is ... in the future!
The two of them rise from their place on the floor.
NIKKI
(excited) Raven! Thank-you. Now I know exactly how to play this character.
RAVEN
(shrugging) Oh I'm glad I could help.
NIKKI
No, you did more than help. You made me. The Greatest Actress. On Earth.
Raven grins to herself as Nikki embraces Raven in a hug. Raven lets out a small squeak of excitement.
NIKKI
I've got to go. My big psychic scene's at 5:00.
The two of them head towards the front door.
RAVEN
Oh yes, girl, work it! Work it!
Nikki mirrors some of Raven's zombie-like actions.
RAVEN / NIKKI (Together)
Whoa!
RAVEN
Yes girl, work it! Keep it real! Yes!
NIKKI
I'll see you in Malibu. Chow. (she blows a symbol of peace to Raven as she leaves)
RAVEN
Oh, chow, Nikki Logan! Tell Usher said to put a shirt on.
As Nikki leaves, Raven races down to the lounge again and dances wildly in excitement.
RAVEN
Yes, yes, yes, yes! I'm going to Malibu, I'm going to Malibu!
She suddenly finds herself turning away and transfixed in a vision.
***
In her vision, she sees the director of Nikki's movie, "Honor Roll Zombies" shouting at what Raven supposes is Nikki.
TOSHI
You are the worst actress on Earth! You're fired.
***
Raven blinks out of her vision and stares worriedly into thin air.
RAVEN (slow motion)
Oh. Snap!
***
In the kitchen of the Baxter household, Victor is on the phone as Cory tries to sneak out the door covered in a winter jacket.
VICTOR (On phone)
Talk to you later Morris.
He hangs up the phone and turns to Cory.
VICTOR
Ar .. Cory? Where are you going?
Cory turns back, tutting.
CORY
Out.
VICTOR
Like that? It's hot out!
CORY
Oh well, you know what. I'm not wearing socks.
He turns away, but Victor continues to speak.
VICTOR
Cory. Shut the door and come in.
CORY
OK.
He does exactly that.
VICTOR
Son, what are you wearing underneath that jacket?
CORY
(through laughter) What jacket?
VICTOR
Cory!
CORY
Just remember Dad -- I came to you first.
Cory unstraps the hoody on his jacket, to reveal a tattoo reading "The Grub Club".
VICTOR
(insulted) The Grub Club? (Cory pulls off the rest of his jacket to reveal more tatoos) Subs? Burgers? Son, you working for the Grub Club? Do you realize how much buisness I'm loosing? All my customers are going there.
CORY
Dad, I'm sorry! I didn't realize this type of advertising would be so affective!
VICTOR
Well it is. Now go upstairs and wash that stuff off.
CORY
I wish I could. This paint won't wear off for another week. And besides, I signed a contract. I gotta get back out there.
VICTOR
Well. I did teach you to honor your commitments. Boy was I stupid.
***
On the set of Nikki's movie, at the Bayside school, Toshi is giving some directions to a group actors dressed as zombies, surrounded by a set and smoke.
TOSHI
Zombies. Look alive! Alright. And remember, in order to make the Honor Roll you have to catch the nerd. Eat the brain! But keep it real.
Toshi walks back to his seat, as a bell rings.
TOSHI
And action!
As the scene begins, Chelsea and Eddie watch on from behind the set, Raven walks in.
RAVEN
Hey, guys. Did Nikki do her scene yet?
EDDIE
No. The Zombies are still eating the Chess Club.
CHELSEA
Did you show her what a fake psychic really acts like?
RAVEN
Yeah, and she loved it.
EDDIE
So we going to Malibu!
RAVEN
Not exactly. After she left I had a vision that she's going to act all freaky like I did and get fired.
CHELSEA
Well that's going to make Malibu kinda awkward.
RAVEN
Chels! Forget about Malibu, OK! I sold out to be friends with a movie star. You know, and now it's going to ruin her career and it's all my fault. I gotta to stop her.
EDDIE
Now that's classic Raven.
Raven rolls her eyes. Toshi watches on from his seat behind the camera as the zombies devour the Chess Club.
TOSHI
Cut! Guys, (walks over) slurp the eyeballs, slurp the eyeballs.
Raven jumps the fence and towards the actors, but Toshi's assistant Becky prevents her from continueing.
BECKY
Sorry. No one gets on the set unless they work on the film.
RAVEN
Oh, OK, well I'm close, personal friends with Nikki Logan.
BECKY
Well why don't you stand over there with all her other close, personal friends? (Pushes Raven away)
Raven goes back over to Eddie and Chelsea.
RAVEN
OK, we're not getting in that way. Um ... hey, lets go through the schoolyard!
EDDIE
Good idea.
They walk off.
***
Raven, Eddie and Chelsea run up behind the school fence, where there is nibblies on the table for the actors on the set. Raven leans herself against the fence.
RAVEN
They fixed the hole in the fence! What kind of school is this!
Eddie shoves her out of the way and has his eyes on the food table.
EDDIE
Oh! Free ice cream sundae bar. I most definitly got to get into show buisness.
Becky comes out to the group of actors eating outside.
BECKY
OK, people! Break's over. Everyone back on set. (they don't move, she raises her voice harshly) Back on Set!
Scared, they scurry by the skin of their teeth back onto the set. Meanwhile Eddie and Chelsea motivate Raven to jump the fence.
CHELSEA
Okay Rae, here's your chance. Up and over.
RAVEN
Uh yeah, little problem. Can't climb. Never could.
CHELSEA
Oh sure you can. You just need a running start. You know, get a little momentum.
RAVEN Oh okay.
Raven runs and crashes into the fence, falling back onto the ground.
CHELSEA
She was right. She can't climb. Never could.
RAVEN
Please tell me I'm on the other side.
EDDIE
You gonna need a boost.
Eddie and Chelsea help Raven up and bend over.
EDDIE
OK, put your foot here.
CHELSEA
Yeah, come on.
RAVEN
Serious?
EDDIE
Yes, I'm serious!
Raven jumps up on their hands and starts climbing up.
RAVEN
I'm climbing! (she makes it to the top) Hey you guys look! I'm climbing! Argh! Argh!
But suddenly she falls off the top of the fence, and breaks the table of food as she stands.
RAVEN
I'm OK. I'm OK. Argh... ice cream headache!
Becky walks back out.
BECKY
What is going on out here! All zombies should be on the set. Nikki is waiting to her big scene.
RAVEN
Wait, no I am not a z ... Nikki? Must eat brains! Must eat brains!
***
Cory walks into the Baxter house through the kitchen door. Victor has just put something in the oven.
CORY
Oh, hey Dad.
VICTOR
Well, if isn't Mr. Grub Club!
CORY
Look Dad, I know what I did was wrong. But hey, I want to make it right.
VICTOR
Well, I'm glad you've realized your mistake son. But there's nothing we can do about it now.
CORY
Maybe there is. My space is all booked up. But I found another body that's gauranteed to get you some attention.
An elephant roar is heard from the living room.
VICTOR
Is that Aunt Saddie?
The two of them walk into the living room and find a large elephant with "The Chill Grill" painted on it.
CORY
Pretty cool, isn't it?
VICTOR
That's an elephant?
CORY
I took the money I made from the Grub Club and I rented "Jumanji"
VICTOR
Who is an elephant?
CORY
I think we established that Dad.
VICTOR
There's an elephant in my living room.
CORY
Yep, and we are going to park him in front of the Grub Club and start getting all your customers back.
VICTOR
That's great... how did you get him in here?
CORY
Oh, getting him in was the easy part. See, getting him out is what I'm worried about.
VICTOR
We got your aunt Saddie out..
***
Nikki, followed by Toshi, walk onto the gloomy set.
TOSHI
Nik, Nikki! OK, this is the most important scene in the movie. OK. This is where you use your psychic vision to destroy the zombie. Are you ready?
NIKKI
Don't worry Toshi. I've done my research. I know exactly how to play this.
They high five each other as Nikki turns back to the set.
TOSHI
Zombies, let me hear you!
An asleep whine is heard from the zone.
TOSHI
That's wonderful! (we now see Becky ushering Raven onto the set) OK, let's go, let's go, let's go! Clear the set! Off the set, now, Becky! Great! ACTION!
The zombies repeat the whine as they engulf Nikki. Nikki mirrors Raven's actions as a fraudulent.
NIKKI
Oh, oh, I'm having a vision...oh, this is going to be a big one! Oh, oh! I'm melting, I'm melting! ...Here's Johnny! (Nikki does some rapping moves on the floor as we can see Raven frantically trying to get to her).
Raven finally makes her way through to Nikki.
RAVEN
Wait, wait, NOOOO! You're making the biggest mistake of your life!!
Toshi walks onto the set in exaggeration.
TOSHI
Wait, no! Cut! (to Raven) You are the worst actress on Earth, you're fired!
RAVEN
Dude, Nikki, I tried to warn you homie, I did.
TOSHI
No, she's not fired you stupid zombie, you are!
RAVEN
Hold up now, you can't fire me!
TOSHI
(about Nikki) I'm not going to fire her, she's brilliant! (he and Becky help Nikki up)
RAVEN
Oh, so that's what I saw ...
NIKKI
Raven! Why did you mess up my big scene!
RAVEN
(guiltily) Well ... I was trying to warn you not to act like that.
NIKKI
Oh! Now you're telling me how to act? How dare you! I am the greatest actress on Earth.
RAVEN
Ar ... yeah, about that. You see I really wanted to chill with you in Malibu so I ...
NIKKI
(interrupts) Malibu? Please! That was so not going to happen.
Raven turns away into a vision.
***
Sam Rubin is sitting at a newdesk giving a critical review of Nikki's movie "Honor Roll Zombies".
SAM RUBIN
The only thing scary about this movie is Nikki Logan's ridiculous performance as a "psychic zombie slayer". Say goodbye to that house in Malibu Nikki. You get my vote for the worst actress on Earth. Whooooa!
***
NIKKI
Anything else you want to "warn me about".
RAVEN
Um ... yeah, yeah. Don't forget the shoulders. Whoa! (Nikki walks off) I tried.
Two zombies walk over and greet Raven.
RAVEN
What up zombie, how you feeling!
***
Raven walks up to her front door, unable to find her keys.
RAVEN
Oh man. I can't find my keys!
She rings the doorbell, and Victor answers.
VICTOR
Oh, hey Rae! What happen to you?
RAVEN
You don't want to know.
VICTOR
Whoa, whoa! You can't come in, not like that. You gotta' rinse off first.
RAVEN
Rinse off? How do I do that?
VICTOR
No problem. Jumanji! (Victor steps inside)
RAVEN
Jumanji? What ...
Jumanji (the elephant) raises his trunk and spurts water out and Raven falls down. We see her raise her thumb.
RAVEN
I'm okay...
